


Crave the Applause, Hate the Attention

by OneforSorrowTwoforMirth



Series: redemption lies plainly in truth [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Anakin (understandably) has issues, Attachment Issues, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gen, He's trying tho, Obi-Wan Doesn't Know How to Parent, One Shot, Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Pre-Clone Wars, Running Away, The Force, Young Anakin Skywalker, someone give the Jedi parenting classes, the prequel era but with emotional depth, you can't!! take a kid away!! from his family!! and expect there to be!! no consequences!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:47:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28864281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneforSorrowTwoforMirth/pseuds/OneforSorrowTwoforMirth
Summary: Obi-Wan didn't expect training Anakin would be easy. But his padawan's strange behaviors leave him at a loss - and no matter what he does, he still can't form any kind of Force connection with Anakin.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Series: redemption lies plainly in truth [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2158743
Comments: 5
Kudos: 104





	Crave the Applause, Hate the Attention

His padawan was gone. Again. 

He was getting good, Obi-Wan hadn’t even heard him leave this time. He sat up all the way, rubbing his eyes and saw that, yes, the door to Anakin’s room was open and his bed was empty. Master Yoda thought it would prevent Anakin from running away at night if he was in Obi-Wan’s quarters instead of the youngling dormitory. Master Yoda was wise, but he’d significantly underestimated how determined this boy was. 

Obi-Wan really considered going back to sleep, to hell with the kid. If he was so determined to get out, then let him. Obi-Wan was so _tired._ They were sending him to negotiate with all manner of stuffy delegates (apparently they thought he was good at it?) and still expected him to keep an eye on the most difficult child the temple had had for some time. 

Even as he had this thought, he was reaching for his boots under his bed. 

The halls of the temple were silent. What time was it anyway? Obi-Wan pulled his robe tighter. What had woken him up in the first place if he hadn’t heard Anakin leave? Maybe it was his ridiculously uncomfortable mattress. 

He and Anakin were living in the same one and a half bedroom apartment that he and Master Qui-gon had. Anakin slept in the room (though it was more of a closet) Obi-Wan had occupied while an apprentice, and Obi-Wan now used his old master’s bunk. Obi-Wan thought his mattress had been thin, but Qui-gon’s was even worse. He wondered if his master knew he’d given his apprentice the more comfortable bed. 

_Just one more thing I never thanked him for…_

_Don’t think about that, you need to find Anakin._

He made his way to the courtyard first. Sometimes Anakin went and sat under the tree there, or went out if it was raining. The courtyard was empty. 

The fighter hangar was next. There were a few people there, temple staff or technicians who were working late. No one had seen Anakin, but that didn’t necessarily mean much. He was very good at hiding. Obi-Wan thanked the workers and went on his way. Halfway down the next hall, he stopped at one of the large windows. The glare of city lights made it bright as day. He sat on the floor cross legged and closed his eyes. He tried focusing on the boy’s Force signature. That tactic hadn’t yielded much in the past. There were only a few people he knew well enough to pick out in a place as crowded as Coruscant, and his padawan wasn’t yet one of them

Still, he meditated for a couple minutes. He found nothing. The boy had a strong Force signature, the Council all agreed on that. So why couldn’t Obi-Wan ever find it? 

_Yes, that’s right. Let’s give Obi-Wan a padawan, never mind that we haven’t officially made him a master yet. Oh and not just any padawan, the kriffing Chosen One. What could go wrong?_

He just had to hope Anakin hadn’t decided to leave the temple. 

He found a temple guard doing her rounds and asked if she’d seen anyone. Obi-Wan couldn’t tell because of the mask, but he could’ve sworn the guard was smirking at him. 

“Someone entered the storage room on level seven a few minutes ago,” she said. 

“Do you know who?” Obi-Wan asked. 

“No.” 

“Shouldn’t you...look into it?” 

“Whoever it was used the Force to open the lock, and since it is a food storage room, I assume it was a youngling,” the guard said. 

Biting back a comment about how it was her job to investigate such situations, youngling or not, he headed off in the direction of level seven. The storage room in question was one of the bigger ones, and Obi-Wan knew it well. He’d made his fair share of nighttime snack raids as a youngling. Generally, though, the kids who snuck food out in the middle of the night had the good sense to flee the scene of the crime before anyone caught on. 

He found the door locked, though he easily opened it again. The room was dark and he couldn’t quite see to the back of it. He listened. To his left he heard the unmistakable sound of muffled breathing. 

“I know you’re in here, Anakin.” 

Silence. 

Obi-Wan sighed and took a step into the room. “Come on. Let’s go.” 

Still nothing. He took a few more steps into the room and peered around a large crate of supplies. Anakin was sitting with his knees drawn up to his chest. He didn’t look up at his master. 

“What are you doing back here?” The boy shrugged. “Any chance you’d like to come out?” Anakin still said nothing. Obi-Wan worked hard to keep the annoyance out of his voice. “Anakin, come on. It’s late.” He reached down to pull the boy to his feet. Before Obi-Wan had even touched him, Anakin scrambled back toward the wall, holding his hands above his head defensively.

“Sorry,” Obi-Wan said quickly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Anakin looked as embarrassed as Obi-Wan felt, though he couldn’t fathom why. Obi-Wan knew the boy was often adverse to anyone touching him. It wasn’t Anakin’s fault. “Why did you hide?” he finally asked.

“Can’t sleep,” Anakin said. 

_He’s talked. That’s good._

“Hm. I know the feeling.” The boy shuffled his feet but said nothing else. “You look cold. How about we go back?” Anakin shrugged, but followed Obi-Wan out of the room.

They walked all the way back up to their apartment in silence. Obi-Wan made some tea, while Anakin sat at the table and stared at his knees. 

“Here.” 

“I don’t want any,” he said.

“Well, then just hold it. The cup’s warm.” Anakin made no move to take it. Obi-Wan shrugged and picked up his own tea. If his master had been here, he would’ve had something wise and reassuring to say in the silence that followed. Obi-Wan had neither wisdom nor reassurance. Better to be silent, then.

When he finished his tea, he said, “I think both of us ought to try and go back to bed. You don’t have to sleep,” he added as Anakin opened his mouth to protest. “But just lay down. It’s better than nothing.” 

“I can’t,” Anakin said quietly. 

“Certainly you can. And you will.” 

“No, I can’t.” He paused. “I wet the bed.” Obi-Wan set down his tea.

 _See,_ **_these_ ** _are the kinds of situations the Jedi Order doesn't prepare you for._

The boy looked so humiliated, but Obi-Wan had a feeling if he tried to comfort him it would only make him feel worse. Better deal with it as efficiently as possible. 

“Ah. No matter, we can wash your bedding tomorrow. There’s spare sheets somewhere, I think.” 

Anakin looked up. “You’re not...you’re not mad?” 

“Why would I be mad?” 

He sank down in his seat. “‘Cause that’s what babies do, not Jedi.” 

“I’m a little upset that you ran off instead of telling me,” he said. “But I’m not mad. Don’t let your fear or embarrassment silence your needs.” 

_There. That sounded a little like Master Qui-gon._

Anakin mumbled something under his breath. 

“Go take a shower, Anakin, and get changed. I’ll find the clean sheets.” To his relief, the boy shuffled off to do as he asked. 

He stripped Anakin’s bed and dumped the dirty linens in the laundry. He couldn’t find an extra blanket - Anakin already slept with all the extras he had. He took the blanket off his own bed. Anakin got so cold at night. 

Anakin emerged from the bathroom with wet hair, wearing new clothes. He didn’t look at Obi-Wan as he shut the door to his tiny room. Obi-Wan went back to his own thin mattress and pulled his robe tighter.

 _That could’ve gone a lot worse,_ he thought. But again doubt nagged his mind. _It could’ve also gone a lot better, if someone else was in charge._

The next morning, Anakin still wouldn’t look Obi-Wan in the eye. Obi-Wan ignored this and asked him what he wanted for breakfast. Once it became clear that he wasn’t going to bring up anything about last night, Anakin relaxed a little and even smiled before leaving for his first class. 

Obi-Wan had an unusually free day and so decided to observe his padawan’s lightsaber class that afternoon. Master Windu was teaching it, which made Obi-Wan smirk. Master Windu was not noted for his patience with large groups of children, but regardless the padawans seemed awestruck that the renowned duelist Mace Windu was teaching their class. Master Yoda was also watching. Obi-Wan sat beside him. 

“Sleeping well, the boy has not,” Master Yoda said after pleasantries were exchanged. 

“No,” Obi-Wan admitted. “He hasn’t. And he’s been making it hard to find him when he wanders off at night.” _Wandering_ didn’t quite cover it. More like he was disappearing the moment Obi-Wan closed his eyes.

“Find him with the Force, you cannot?” 

“I -” He hesitated. Master Yoda seemed to already know his answer. 

“If good master to this boy you wish to be, learn to connect with him through the Force, you must,” he said sagely. 

“Yes, Master.” 

“Much responsibility you bear, young Obi-Wan.” It wasn’t pitying or edged with implications that he couldn’t handle it. It was simply the truth. 

“I know.” 

The ancient master hobbled out of the room, leaving Obi-Wan to watch the padawans finish their exercises. It wasn’t that he couldn’t sense Anakin at all. He could detect strong surges of emotion and could locate him if there weren’t too many other people around. But that was no different from what he could sense from anyone else. There was no unique connection between the two of them, no real bond. Obi-Wan had had a Force bond with Qui-gon, though it wasn’t as strong as some Jedi pairings. Qui-gon had assured his padawan that the connection would strengthen over time. 

_This isn’t about that, it’s about you and_ **_your_ ** _padawan._

Obi-Wan was starting to suspect that Anakin was cutting himself off from any kind of bond; consciously or unconsciously, he wasn’t sure. 

Master Windu dismissed the padawans. Anakin brightened slightly as he saw Obi-Wan. The boy scampered over to where he was sitting.

“Did you come to watch me, master?” 

“I did. You performed well.” 

Anakin beamed at the praise. Obi-Wan couldn’t make sense of this child. One moment he seemed to want his undivided attention, the next he was surly and combative. 

“There is some kind of event at the senate building tonight, and I have been asked to attend with the Jedi delegation," Obi-Wan said, "I thought perhaps you’d like to come.” 

“What will we do?”

“Mostly stand there and watch the delegates whisper about us. But there’s usually excellent food at these kinds of things.” 

“Cool!”

“It’s settled then. Come, let’s get ready.”

  
  


Part of Obi-Wan’s motive for bringing Anakin was that he’d have an excuse to leave early. It turned out he didn’t need that excuse, because the Jedi delegation got everything they needed within a few hours. In fact, it was largely thanks to Anakin that they accomplished their goal so quickly (Obi-Wan was still a little hazy on what the goal was, but Master Luminara assured him things went well.) The boy was excellent among the politicians and had half the room fawning over his cute little kid routine all evening. 

“That was even more impressive than your lightsaber skills this morning,” he told the boy as they left the senate building. 

“Whatever do you mean, master?” Anakin said in a falsely innocent voice, batting his eyelashes. They both laughed. 

It had been a good day, Obi-Wan decided. The night also seemed off to a promising start when Anakin got into bed of his own accord. 

“Goodnight, Anakin.” 

“Goodnight.” 

That, too, was promising. Many nights, Anakin didn’t respond. 

_Maybe he’ll stay in bed all night and I can get some sleep._

It couldn’t have been more than a few hours later when he heard a crash in the bathroom. 

He rubbed his eyes, feeling a headache coming on. He listened for a moment. Maybe the boy just knocked something over. Then he heard a small groan of pain. Obi-Wan got to his feet and stumbled into the bathroom. 

“Anakin, what -” The boy was huddled over the toilet, vomiting. Obi-Wan immediately dropped beside him. 

_Oh Force, oh no, no he’s sick? But he was fine this morning! Kriff, what do I do?_

The boy wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked up at his master. Panic filled Obi-Wan’s chest and he froze. He was the adult, the master, he was supposed to know what to do. He might as well have been trapped between two ray shields, watching as - _no, don’t think about that, this is completely different._

The boy leaned over the toilet again and retched. 

_You can do something this time, so do something!_

His spinning mind finally found some traction and he quickly got up and went to their tiny kitchen to get a glass of water. 

“Here,” Obi-Wan said, handing him the water. “Drink slowly.” Anakin didn’t argue. He coughed a few times between sips, but then after a minute said, 

“I’m ok.” 

Obi-Wan took the empty glass and then felt the boy’s forehead. He didn’t feel warm. 

“I’m ok. I feel better now.” 

“Alright…” he said slowly. “Drink a little more water, then back to bed.” Anakin took the glass into the kitchen, and he seemed to have no trouble walking. Obi-Wan flushed the sick down the toilet, then went into the bedroom to find Anakin a new shirt. Turning on the light, he noticed something near Anakin’s bed. Crumbs.

Ration bar wrappers stuck out from under the bed. He leaned down to look under and caught a whiff of what was definitely spoiled food. He pulled out a bag, one of his that he thought he’d lost. It was full of ration bars, fruit in various states of decay, and other food that must’ve been stolen from the storage room and probably the senate function. 

He shook out the blankets on Anakin’s bed and more half eaten spoiled food rolled out. 

_Oh. Well that explains it._

Obi-Wan understood kids snuck food to their rooms, he’d done it himself, but why would Anakin eat it if it was bad?

He turned to see Anakin lurking in the doorway. When Obi-Wan looked at him, Anakin tensed and glared back, defiant. 

“What is all this?” Obi-Wan asked, confused. Anakin said nothing. “Didn’t you get enough to eat at dinner? You can always ask for more…” But Anakin had asked for more. He’d had three helpings, now that he thought of it. “Anakin, answer me!” He shook the bag slightly. “Why are you hiding food under your bed?”

“That’s mine,” Anakin said sullenly. 

“I very much doubt it.” 

“I said, it’s _mine_!” His expression had grown fierce, like a cornered animal.

“Why won’t you just _ask_ for something to eat?! Force, Anakin, you don’t need to steal!” 

“Give it back!” he shrieked. 

“It’s all bad anyway. You’ll just make yourself sick again.” 

“Give it back!” he repeated, hands balled into fists. “It’s mine.” Tears started to gather in the boy’s eyes, his face turning red with rage. 

Obi-Wan was trying very hard to keep a calm and rational tone, but he felt himself losing patience. “No,” he snapped. 

“I hate you!” Anakin screamed, loud enough to wake half the temple. 

“Shhh!” 

“No! I hate you, _I hate you_!” To Obi-Wan’s shock, the boy actually ran at him, making a swipe for the bag of food. Instinctively, he caught the boy’s arm, a bit harder than he meant. Anakin grunted and twisted in his grasp, and the next thing Obi-Wan knew he was on his back, gasping for breath.

It took several seconds for Obi-Wan to realize Anakin had Force-pushed him hard enough to lift him off his feet. Anakin fixed Obi-Wan with a glare fiercer than any he’d thought possible from a ten year old, and fled the room. 

He managed to get enough air to call the boy’s name but it was too late. The boy’s retreating footsteps were the only answer. 

Obi-Wan stood up carefully, wincing. Nothing was broken and the worst he’d probably get was a bruise. He went into the kitchen and collapsed at the table. He could’ve run after Anakin, but knew that would only make it worse. He kicked the bag of food under the table. Qui-gon would’ve been able to sort this out. He’d have understood the boy’s strange actions, would’ve been able to help. Obi-Wan was just...useless. 

_I thought we were making progress. I thought it was getting better._

Why was it every time he thought he’d started to connect with Anakin, something happened to make him feel completely inept?

Anakin’s words echoed in his head. _I hate you._

The boy probably meant it, too. Obi-Wan might’ve deserved it. Anakin had liked Qui-gon from the start, and Obi-Wan couldn’t blame him. He was a calming presence that had always made Obi-Wan feel safe as well. Obi-Wan didn’t have that. 

_Useless, always useless._

There was a knock on the door. “Come in,” he said without looking up.

“Is everything alright?” It was Master Shaak Ti. 

“Everything is fine,” he said irritably. 

“Right. So the screaming I heard a few minutes ago was my imagination?” She cast a look around the room.

Obi-Wan let out a long sigh. “Anakin’s run off again.”

“Hm. Do you know why?” 

“No - I mean, yes, but I don’t understand…”

She looked at him sympathetically. “Training a padawan is much more than just lightsaber drills, eh?” 

Obi-Wan nodded miserably. Shaak Ti eyed him carefully. She seemed to sense what he was thinking because she said, 

“If you continue to use your old master as your standard, then I’m afraid your padawan will always feel inadequate.”

“What?” 

“How can you expect him to grow if you yourself are consumed with doubt?” 

“But I don’t know what I’m doing!” Obi-Wan burst out. “No idea at all!” 

She just smiled. “You will learn. Goodnight, Obi-Wan.” 

Obi-Wan stayed slumped at the table for a while after she left. 

_You’d think the Jedi Order would put a little more emphasis on child development classes instead of weapon training._

This problem with Anakin...he needed to break it down into pieces he could understand, examine the information he had. He found his data pad and idly began scrolling on the holonet, trying to mentally lay out his observations. 

It was not unexpected that a ten year old in his circumstances would act out. But he didn’t act out in the way Obi-Wan expected. For one thing, Anakin never cried. Even when he’d come back from a class with a split lip and black eye, he hadn’t so much as whimpered when Obi-Wan patched him up. Though his pain threshold seemed to be quite high, and though he’d proven in his sparring classes that he could handle himself, Anakin still reacted out of fear when anyone touched him unexpectedly. 

Anakin’s reactions to simple requests to clean up or go to bed were varied and unpredictable. Sometimes they were met with an ordinary amount of complaining. Other times he seemed to think Obi-Wan had ulterior motives for telling him to wash up or make his bed. 

Obi-Wan had heard other masters gripe about their padawan’s antics, but their stories of back talk and sulkiness seemed...different from the brand of sullen that Anakin exhibited. 

_Examine the information you have._

From what he’d observed on Tatooine, Watto hadn’t been an excessively cruel master but that didn’t mean much. At the very least, Anakin could count himself lucky that he’d still had a mother. Slavery ripped families apart. 

It would’ve been a rude awakening for Anakin to realize that even the person who loved him most, his mother, would be completely helpless to stop anyone from separating them should their master decide they wanted to extra cash. The threat of separation was likely something Anakin’s masters had used to control him and his mother. Obi-Wan tried to imagine what it would be like for a young boy to watch his mother endure abuse and humiliation while keeping her mouth shut in the hopes that she could keep her son. 

_Kriff. No wonder he’s like this._

Anakin’s whole life had been completely out of his control up to this point. Deciding to join the Jedi was possibly the first thing he’d ever done of his own accord. Obi-Wan felt a twinge of shame: the boy hadn’t had much of a choice, had he? 

Obi-Wan looked up the Coruscant Medical Academy database, trying to find studies or reports on similar behaviors. There were surprisingly few. According to what he could find, food hoarding was a relatively common behavior among children who experienced trauma. It was apparently a hard habit to break, especially if they’d grown up in a situation where they hadn’t had access to food regularly. 

It wasn’t a huge leap to surmise that Anakin had gone hungry many times. It made sense that he’d take what he could get, not sure when he’d see more. 

_But he’s been here for months! Surely he knows no one is going to take food from him, or prevent him from getting more._

Another voice whispered, _Does he?_

Habits are hard to break, and instincts remain even longer. 

_Should I have let him keep the food? Would that make it better?_

He continued to scroll through the reports, but found a lot of conflicting information. Eventually he gave up, head swirling with scientific terms and half baked theories. What he needed to do before considering what to do about the hoarding was to actually _find_ Anakin. 

_Enough wandering the temple, hoping you’ll find him. Focus._ **_Find him._ **

Obi-Wan sat on the floor and closed his eyes. He breathed deeply and evenly, trying to reach through the Force. 

_He can’t have gone too far, come on, come on -_

It was only because Anakin’s emotions were running so high that he could catch a glimpse of him. The boy had left the temple - Obi-Wan was really going to have a word with the temple guards - and was now in the city proper. 

_Force, he must_ **_really_ ** _be upset. He’s afraid to go too far into the city even when he’s with me._

A moment later, Anakin’s presence became drowned in the millions of others in the sector and it felt like trying to sift through cement. He reached again, trying to call out to him, but he got nothing. Again and again he searched for Anakin but found nothing. He looked at the chrono on the wall and realized nearly forty-five minutes had passed. His headache intensified. What if he couldn’t find him, what was he going to do? Scour every sector of Coruscant? 

_Anakin, please - just tell me where you are! I -_

There. Something faint, he could feel it reaching for him, calling to him, and - 

He could hear him. Anakin was crying. 

Oh Force, Anakin was _crying._

Obi-Wan hardly knew how he got outside the temple, cloak over his shoulders, armed with his lightsaber, except that he was running as fast as he could. The torrential rain - of course it was raining - made the ground slippery as he skidded around the corner to catch the nearest train. 

Obi-Wan sustained the connection, trying desperately to pinpoint where he was, but it was difficult with the raw amount of anger, fear, and confusion that emanated from his apprentice. 

Then the connection snapped like a thread, leaving an echo in Obi-Wan’s head. 

Obi-Wan had never been much for the Jedi’s constant saying, _trust your instincts._ He’d like to trust his instincts, but could never stop doubting himself enough for them to take over. If his instincts were any good, he wouldn’t be in this situation, would he? 

But tonight he was following instinct alone. There was no time for doubts. 

Instinct took him down an alleyway where he was just in time to see two unpleasant looking figures looming over an unconscious boy. 

It only took Obi-Wan igniting his saber to send them running. 

“Anakin? _Anakin!_ ” he turned the boy over, shaking him, more scared than he’d ever felt in his life. In the light of the street, he could see blood dried on the boy’s face. Panic gripped him in a vice, he hadn’t felt this helpless since watching his master die.

_Answer me please, please -_

The boy opened his eyes. Obi-Wan almost wept in relief. 

“Master?” 

“Yes, I’m here.” He slipped an arm behind the boy’s shoulders and helped him sit up. “I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan said, his voice wavering. “I’m - I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to shout at you - I didn’t try to understand before I reacted and -” He pulled the boy into a hug, tears now mixing with the rain. “I’m sorry.” 

_Sorry that you had to leave everything you ever knew, sorry that it is me raising you instead of him, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…_

“Obi-Wan,” he mumbled, “I don’t hate you.” Anakin buried his face into Obi-Wan’s chest, crying in earnest. 

“I know. I know, it’s alright.” 

Obi-Wan had been the best in his class at memorizing information. But for all the words and mantras and Jedi sayings he’d stored in his mind, he could not find a single word to say to his apprentice. 

So he picked him up, wrapping his cloak around the boy, and let him cry all the way back to the temple. 

“How did you find me?” Anakin asked. 

They were both sitting on the couch, still soaked to the skin. Neither one had the energy to get up and change into dry clothes. Anakin had a blanket over his shoulders. 

“You called out to me.” Obi-Wan said. He was wiping the dried blood off Anakin’s face. It was no worse than a bloody nose that he got from falling in the alley. Aside from a bruise where he’d hit his head, he was unharmed. 

“I did?” 

“Well, you must’ve. That’s how I was able to sense your presence.” 

“Oh.” 

Obi wan finished cleaning Anakin’s face and started to take his boots off, which were full of water.

“I don’t get it,” Anakin said. “How did I call you?” 

“You opened yourself up to a connection through the Force. Most apprentices and masters develop these types of bonds. I was able to sense your feelings.” 

Anakin looked confused. “But...I thought Jedi are supposed to keep feelings hidden.” 

Obi-Wan hesitated. “These things can be a little complicated. A bond...it’s a lot more than just sensing another’s feelings. But that doesn’t matter right now.” 

“Did you have a Force bond with Master Qui-gon?” he asked. Obi-Wan thought this might be his way of trying to steer the conversation away from talking about the food, but his expression looked genuine. 

“Yes,” he said. “I did.”

“I’m sorry,” Anakin whispered. “I know you cared about him, and now he’s gone.”

Obi-Wan suddenly felt his vision go blurry. The boy was so sincere. The other Jedi had expressed sympathy, true. But always with a dose of the Jedi philosophy telling him not to mourn, because all things must become one with the Force. Obi-Wan believed that, of course he did, but how could he not grieve? 

He was allowed so little to love. 

Maybe that was why he’d been so afraid to connect with Anakin. 

He took a shaky breath. “Thank you.” Then he said, “Anakin, I’m glad I’ve been given the privilege of being your master.” 

The boy stirred beside him. “Really?” 

“Really. I -” he paused. They needed to talk about a lot of things, but the hoarding, the running away, that could wait. He was certain those problems would all still be there tomorrow. Probably for a lot of tomorrows. “A bond between apprentice and master requires trust. And I cannot demand you trust me. I have to earn your trust.” 

Anakin was looking at him strangely, as if he’d never heard an adult say something like that.

“But if you also wish for me to trust you, you must demonstrate that you are someone trustworthy. Does that make sense?” Anakin nodded. “Good. It will take effort from both of us, if we are going to make this work.” 

“Will you be able to see into my mind with the bond?” Anakin asked skeptically. 

“Not if you don’t wish me to. There are barriers and shields that Jedi learn to use to guard their minds.” 

“Ok. You’ll teach me?” 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said.

“Now?” he asked.

“No.” 

“Tomorrow?” 

“No, I think we’ll do something else tomorrow. I’m sure the Council can do without us for one day.” 

“What are we gonna do?” 

“It’s a surprise.” 

“Tell me,” he said, tugging on Obi-Wan’s arm. 

“No, then it wouldn’t be a surprise.” 

“Please?”

“Can you _trust_ me when I say that whatever it is we’re doing tomorrow will be fun?” Anakin tried to frown but couldn’t quite manage it. “I think we’d better get you dry before the healers have my head for letting you get sick.” 

“Ok. Goodnight, Master Obi-Wan.” 

When Obi-Wan woke the next day, he instinctively looked over at Anakin’s room. The door was open and the bed was empty. 

He rolled onto his back and looked at the ceiling, utterly defeated. What was it going to take for - he realized with a start that Anakin was curled up on the floor right next to Obi-Wan’s bed. He was asleep. That was a first. The boy was always awake before him.

Careful not to disturb him, Obi-Wan stepped over his apprentice and went to the kitchen. Something tugged faintly at the corner of his mind. A connection. A presence he recognized. Anakin was still very guarded, but through a crack in his mental armor, Obi-Wan could feel that his apprentice was having his first real restful sleep since leaving Tatooine. 

Let the boy sleep. They had time. 


End file.
